October 09, 2017
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Don't Let Your Kids Kill You: A Guide for Parents of Drug and Alcohol Addicted Children, by Charles Rubin
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Review
"Offers parents the means to attain a healthy balance in their lives despite their children's choices," -- Publishers Weekly"A radical and compassionate self-help guide for parents whose children are addicted to drugs or alcohol." -- Good Housekeeping Magazine"A book of great merit." -- Donna Hanover, ABC/TV, New York
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About the Author
Charles Rubin has been the subject of many TV interviews on CBS, NBC, ABC, FOX, and the BBC, as well as various family channels and hundreds of local TV and radio shows (152 interviews in 2009 alone). He is a Clio Award-winning writer and producer. His novels include Hard Sell and 4-F Blues: A Novel of WWII Hollywood. The concept for DON'T LET YOUR KIDS KILL YOU developed during the process of surviving his two children's substance addictions. Rubin lectures regularly and hold workshops for parents, teachers, social workers and chemical abuse rehab personnel. Additionally, he is the president of the Inner Light Foundation in Petaluma, Ca, founded by his late wife, author Betty Bethards (The Dream Book-Symbols for Self Understanding which is the best selling book on dream analysis in the world). Rubin's latest book I'll Get Right Back to You and Other Annoyances published in October, 2010.
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Product details
Paperback: 204 pages
Publisher: New Century Publishers; Revised 3rd edition (August 1, 2007)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 9780967979052
ISBN-13: 978-0967979052
ASIN: 0967979056
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 0.5 x 8.5 inches
Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.8 out of 5 stars
363 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#38,949 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
It's Friday night and I find myself standing at the edge of this horrible black chasm. I'm beginning to realize I may have to make a choice between my alcoholic child and myself. I can't believe I am even considering this but my doctor is becoming concerned. If my blood pressure doesn't improve she is suggesting medication, if my cholesterol doesn't improve she is suggesting medication, if my blood sugar keeps moving in the direction it is trending she is suggesting insulin. She is telling me I must reduce the stress in my life. I can't remember the last time I was able to sit in my home and enjoy a peaceful evening. Ever vigilant to the sounds coming from my adult child's home next door. Is the yelling just a loud tv program or is she and the boyfriend du jour having another fight. Is the crash I hear something or someone being thrown against the wall or just a door being closed too hard? It's late and I hear her car start up. Is she already drunk and heading out for more or is she heading to the bar to get blackout drunk and drive home that way? Should I call the police and warn them she is driving drunk and endangering everyone else on the road? Another promise has been broken and this time in such a cruel way I feel it is so personal but the other realization I am coming to is that it has nothing to do with me. She hasn't thought or worried about anyone but herself for a very long time. She is so deep in her addiction that's all she can see now and the loving thoughtful child I used to know is gone, lost in the alcoholic mist. How can I abandon her but how can I go on living like this? She cries, she promises, she claims to need me but it is becoming more and more clear she only needs me to use when it suits her and we are both growing sicker every day in this awful dance we do. I feel like I am standing on the curb watching this horrible crash beginning to unfold and there is nothing I can do to prevent it. All I can do is stand there and pray there is something left to salvage when it is over. I turn to the internet to look for help, answers, comfort, something and I stumble across this book. I order the sample for my kindle and as soon as I have finished it I order the book. I read into the night. I am brought to tears when the author talks about losing the family he remembers. I too have been mourning the loss of the times we were together laughing so hard our sides hurt, sharing delicious meals and playing games together. It's all gone now. I've lost my son to alcohol and now my daughter is slipping away. I read on and see my own life in the pages of this book and am so relieved to find out I am not the only one facing this heart breaking, gut wrenching choice. I'm not the only one struggling with the feelings of guilt and anger. I find the practical suggestions helpful and the realization that I am not the only parent standing on the edge of this awful chasm helps me calm and begin to think about what I am willing and able to do and what I am no longer willing or able to do. I highly recommend this to anyone loving and trying to live with an alcoholic.
This book literally saved my sanity. For anyone who has a child that is caught up in the insane world of substance abuse, this book should be required reading.It shows that you are not alone, that your feelings are what all of us feel in this situation and that hard as it is, there is a way back for you, the parent, to save yourself. Mr. Rubin is to be applauded for his honest and frank discussion of his own experience and for his solid and workable advice to parents on recovering their own lives in the midst of the hell that is the addiction of one's child. He also makes it clear that as much as the parent wants to help and save their child, the more important thing is to save yourself, because the child has to make the decision themselves to get help and turn their own life around.Mr. Rubin's greatest gift in this book is to tell his readers that they don't have to sacrifice themselves on the alter of "being a good parent" for a child hell bent on destruction, addiction and using the parents to sustain their habits, because the best thing to do is save yourself first, so you can be ready if and when the child is serious about getting clean. The parent has and is entitled to a life also, apart from addictions of their children.I have already given this book to several people I know in this struggle and sadly, I have a feeling will be giving several more.
This book changed my life. My son is an addict and it was eating me alive. I could have almost written some of the case studies in the book, so it really hit home and told me I am not alone in this struggle. It is no exaggeration to say that the book changed my life. At the time I read it I was so filled with anxiety that I was on two different anti-anxiety / anti-depression drugs and spending each night tossing and turning. After reading it, I got off those meds and am now back among the human race. This book won't solve your problems or your kids' problems, but it sure made it clear to me that I had already done what I could and now it is up to my son. It is extreme tough love, but anything much short of that just doesn't seem to work. I still fear for my son's future, but have accepted that it is not something that I can change - he has to do the changing.
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